Motivation and emotion/Book/2025/Cultivating self-compassion

Imagine this ... You send an important email at work and, seconds later, spot an error in the subject line. Your stomach drops, and your first instinct is to groan and call yourself “so careless.” You feel the heat of embarrassment creeping up. But then you stop. You take a slow breath and rest your hand over your heart. You remind yourself, “Mistakes happen. I’m not the only person who’s ever sent an imperfect email. I’m human.” You picture what you’d say to a friend in the same spot: “It’s just a small error, it doesn’t define you.” The shame starts to loosen and send a quick follow-up with a correction, and carry on with your day—lighter, calmer, and without beating yourself up.

This chapter explores psychological techniques that promote the development of self-compassion. These techniques apply core skills and fundamental dimensions and approaches to the development of self-compassion provide a pathway toward self-acceptance, while also alleviating distressing emotions such as shame, frustration, or disappointment, as well as psychological disorders such as depression (Shapira & Mongrain, 2010).

Research has shown three compassion based therapies and interventions to promote self-compassion: Compassion focused therapy, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy.

Self-compassion is compassion directed inward toward oneself (Neff, 2017). Compassion is the act of becoming aware of another's condition and responding with sensitivity, accompanied by the desire and determination to help alleviate that person’s pain (Neff, 2004).

Just as an individual can express compassion towards others, they can apply this same attitude of understanding and concern inward to themselves when experiencing suffering. This inn er application of compassion comes from learning skills and psychological techniques in recognising that one’s own failures, life challenges, and pain are just as deserving of kindness and understanding as those of the people around them. Self-compassion involves responding to individual pain and emotional struggles with non-judgmental acceptance, rather than avoiding altogether or being harshly self-critical (Neff, 2023a). It encourages a growth mindset of understanding and patience with oneself, allowing acknowledgment of one’s own imperfections and flaws without spiral.

A majority of the studies conducted by Neff, 2003 have used the Self-Compassion Scale, which is a 26-item self-report measure that assesses the behaviours, thoughts and emotions constructed and coordinated into the main 3 dimensions of self-compassion (Muris & Otgaar, 2020). These include, but not limited to, Self-kindness vs. self-judgment, Common humanity vs. isolation and Mindfulness vs. over-identification which are core principles to the formation of the theoretical model of self-compassion (Neff, 2003).

Self-kindness involves treating oneself with warmth and care, and recognising that during times of difficulty and struggle, it is important to practice patience, empathy, and forgiveness in one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions (Barnard & Curry, 2011). It is the act of actively showing concern for personal experiences of distress, easing discomfort, and being emotionally available to oneself as you would be to another (Neff, 2023b). However, without the support of psychological techniques and practices to foster this, self-kindness may be lacking, which can in turn give rise to self-judgment tendencies

Common humanity is the understanding that individuals can recognise suffering, failure, and imperfection as universal aspects of the human experience, rather than seeing them as isolating to only themselves. A sense of common humanity becomes distorted when one is trapped in self-criticism, believing everyone else is doing fine and engaging in self-blame that distances them from their own individual feelings and struggles. When psychological techniques for creating self-compassion are lacking, it can be easy for individuals to forget that everyone struggles, and when something goes wrong, it is simply part of the human experience, which can lead to disconnection and isolation (Neff, 2023b). Although when individuals connect through shared humanity and practice self-compassion, they open themselves to the richness of life’s experiences. They may face different levels, triggers, and challenges, yet they can also recognise that these variations are part of what makes humans human (Neff, 2023b).

Mindfulness involves looking at a balanced way of neither avoiding nor escalating the struggles experienced. It means acknowledging the issue without rumination and with acceptance (Neff, 2023b). It entails, rather than reacting to one’s thoughts, observing and labeling them in a balanced approach. However, mindfulness can become difficult when one is overwhelmed by two opposing tendencies: overidentification with thoughts or complete avoidance altogether (Barnard & Curry, 2011). These tendencies inhibit mindfulness by preventing deep experiences of living in the present moment and by fostering ruminating and aversive reactions (Neff, 2023b). Without the practice of psychological techniques, this can lead to a thought spiral in which individuals begin to define themselves by it, e.g., “I failed my test, so I am a failure” (Neff, 2023b).

Together, these elements are learnt through psychological techniques to help individuals respond to personal suffering in a way that supports emotional resilience, fosters psychological well-being, and encourages healthier coping strategies promoting self-compassion. More information of understanding self-compassion can be found in self-Compassion and wellbeing (2014).

Therapies such as Compassion-focused therapy (CFT), Mindfulness-based interventions, and Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) each offer unique approaches and theoretical frameworks that underpin the principles in formation of cultivating self-compassion.

Compassion focused therapy (CFT) focuses on enhancing self-compassion, particularly for those who struggle with high self-criticism, shame, or difficulty responding to themselves with kindness. It originates from neuropsychology, Buddhism psychology and other therapeutic, interventions/models and often used when more traditional therapeutic approaches, such as standard Cognitive-behavioural therapy, are less effective. Especially in cases where emotional change is blocked by self-critical thought patterns (Wilson et al., 2019). CFT expands upon the idea that our behaviour is influenced by three core systems: threat, drive and soothing. Primarily focused on strengthening the soothing system which can be underdeveloped in some people (Gilbert, 2009).

Humans’ threat protection system is formed through the biological and physiological makeup of being a living organism, derived in response to threat stimuli. It begins with the system of experiencing emotions, for example anger and anxiety, and in response the bodily behaviours of fight, flight, and freeze. These responses can create cognitive biases that develop into “better to be safe than sorry” protocols (Gilbert, 2009). In CFT, health professionals first explore this area in therapeutic settings, identifying and validating the individual’s experiences. Clinicians hold an understanding of the processes of safety-seeking behaviours, where they are first derived from, and ultimately where self-compassion is fundamentally formed. Through this system, self-compassion is cultivated by the validating and reflective experience of the individual and understanding how negatively impactful thoughts, emotions, and behaviours have arised (Gilbert, 2009).

Humans are motivated by the need to seek positive emotions and feelings from rewards and resources such as food, friendships, and sex etc. It is where this drive, a "system of desires," is associated with arousal and a sense of being energised (Gilbert, 2009). Buddhist psychology, from which Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) is adapted, suggests that this sense of achievement and pleasure cultivates a calm mind, fostering compassion (Gilbert, 2009). The threat system then interlinks with this drive, manifesting as the avoidance of negative events. In therapeutic settings, this is explored uncovering how individuals demonstrate this drive, perhaps through achievements, the need for specific possessions, or their self-esteem, in order to avoid negative feelings such as rejection or inferiority, all of which are linked to the drive system (Gilbert, 2009). This can be demonstrated in various ways based on the individual, their experiences, and behaviours. CFT aims to explore this drive and consider what would happen if it were to fail, examining whether self-compassion can take its place (Gilbert, 2009).

Soothing develops from the contentment system and serves as the primary process for regulating both the threat and drive systems. Contentment leads to feelings of peace and calm, stemming from attachment behaviour systems, which are further explored in CFT. Clinicians explore the essential underpinnings of caring behaviours to activate the soothing system. They highlight how receiving understanding and kindness from others can soothe the nervous system when threat and drive systems are activated. Similarly, practicing compassionate thoughts and focusing inward (core principles of self-compassion) can also have a soothing effect (Gilbert 2009).

Mindfulness-based interventions, such as Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) adapted from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Therapy (MBSRT), as additional therapeutic practices and techniques that promote the development of self-compassion by integrating mindfulness, one of the core facets of self-compassion. MBCT is an adapted extension of MBSRT, intertwining Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) into therapeutic practice stemming from Buddhist psychology (Frostadottir & Dorjee, 2019). MBCT differs from CBT by enhancing the awareness of one's thoughts and behaviors and embodying more thought-focused than content-focused practices, such as noticing thoughts without trying to fix or avoid them (Sipe & Eisendrath, 2012). Research has shown that MBCT in clinical practice fosters acceptance and being present (mindfulness), subsequently promoting self-compassion, while improving physiological mechanisms of emotions (Sipe & Eisendrath, 2012).

In clinical practice MBCT aims to break patterns of slipping back into negative thought spirals and behaviours, "cognitive reactivation" (Kuyken et al., 2010). Mindfulness skills are taught and guided through the first initial sessions of MBCT which include focusing on:

• Intentional attention of thoughts, feelings and behaviours such as body scanning, mindful movements e.g. yoga, and breath work exercising e.g. meditation
• Observing reactivity patterned habits (e.g. intrusive thoughts)
• Detecting aversions and judgments (e.g. "I am so useless and careless")

Self-compassion can also derive from the "Hexaflex" processes of Acceptance and commitment therapy, which help stay in the present moment, avoid taking thoughts too literally, promote acceptance of experiences, let go of overidentifying with distorted self-narratives, assist in creating own values, and support commitments to value-driven pathways in life. Kashdan & Ciarrochi (2013) found through Hayes (2008) discovery of ACT and its context, the core foundations of self-compassion emerging in ACT through the "Hexaflex" model:

In ACT acceptance allows the individual to accept thoughts, feelings and processes without resisting and controlling, known as experiential avoidance (Hayes et al., 2006). For example in therapeutic practice a clinician may encourage the individual to sit with the discomfort of emotions, such as anxiety, fully. Acceptance isn't the final goal of ACT but rather fostering values and driven based practices into individuals lives.

Cognitive defusion is about transforming thoughts and how one would relate to them, not trying to stop them or control how often they may show up. Defusion supports individuals in practice to see their thoughts just as thoughts, instead of interacting with it as true and allowing unhelpful or negative thoughts to feeling less powerful (Hayes et al., 2006).

Within ACT the overarching aim in practice is to help individuals notice their thoughts, feelings and experiences being in the present moment without no judgment. It encourages individuals to experience living life more forwardly than being stuck in negative thought habits where they can be fully present and closer to their values. Through this ACT encourages language between the clinician and individual of what's happening presently in the moment rather than judging and predicting (Hayes et al., 2006).

ACT evolved from Relational frame theory which describes the significant frameworks of where mindfulness and perspective-taking manifests in ACT. This helps in understanding how self-compassion functions through the behavioural analytic theory of language, cognitive processes, and behaviours (Kashdan & Ciarrochi, 2013, pp. 79–102). The main focus is shifting to the "self," recognising that each individual has a part of themselves that observes thoughts, feelings, and experiences without getting caught up in them. This is known as the "observing self" or "self as context" (Kashdan & Ciarrochi, 2013, pp. 79–102). The observing self is an important aspect of ACT as it separates thoughts and their content from the individual's actual essence. Viewing a thought as just a thought, rather than letting it define them, known as "Here-There" and "Then-Now" perspective taking (Hayes et al., 2006).

ACT supports individuals to choosing their own values using a variety of exercises in practice tailored to different areas of their life such as family, work and relationships. Clinicians can also help individuals to avoid choosing values based on avoidance or external pressures e.g. "I must value this because my family expects me to" (Hayes et al., 2006). Other foundations such as defusion or acceptance aren't the final goal of ACT, instead they are interlinked with values to live life to what truly aligns and matters to the individual.

Committed action is the foundations of the Hexaflex in which individuals are guided to create larger patterns of meaningful action based on their created values (Hayes et al., 2006). Instead of looking at values as tasks to commit to in life, ACT drive individuals to view it as goals. Specific actions achieved in live intertwine to values, this can be applied in therapeutic practices such as creating short, medium and long term goals and offered homework to create commitment for individuals (Hayes et al., 2006) .

These six processes of ACT overlap and interconnect to increase the overarching psychological flexibility for the individual, providing the full ability to being present and be value driven promoting foundations and ultimately promoting self-compassion (Kashdan & Ciarrochi, 2013, pp. 79–102).

Research has highlighted the effectiveness of various techniques for promoting self-compassion.

• A pilot study by Frostadottir and Dorjee (2019) examined the impact of both Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) on self-compassion. The study found that participants showed significant increases in mindfulness and self-compassion, along with reductions in rumination, depression, anxiety, and stress, compared to a control group. These changes were accompanied by large effect sizes for both symptom reduction and mindfulness. Overall MBCT and CFT are both effective for enhancing mindfulness and self-compassion and reducing psychological distress.
• Study by Raab et al., (2015) examined the significant effects of an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program on mental health professional participants. Results showed that self-compassion had significant improvements, which were critically demonstrated and measured by the Self-Compassion Scale (SCS), exploring the facets of self-compassion enhanced by the MBSR intervention.
• A randomized controlled trial by Yadavaia et al., (2014) compared a 6-hour ACT with a control group focusing on self-compassion. The research found that ACT significantly enhanced self-compassion and reduced distress. Psychological flexibility emerged as a key factor in these improvements, aligning well with self-compassion among the core factors of the Hexaflex model.

These findings collectively suggest how effective the theoretical and practical implications are in cultivating self-compassion. Research has identified that self-compassion is overall not entirely a fixed trait, but rather a skill that can be cultivated through structured psychological interventions following the research evidence based theoretical frameworks.

This chapter highlights the key techniques and interventions, and processes, that promote the development of self-compassion. Based on psychological theory and research, interventions such as Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) have been shown to be effective in fostering the development of self-compassion.

Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness, care, and understanding during times of distress. It is built on three core principles: self-kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity. These principles serve as foundational criteria in therapeutic practice and guide interventions aimed at cultivating self-compassion.

• Compassion (Book chapter, 2021)
• Compassion Focused Therapy (Wikipedia)

• Beyond Blue Website for mental health support (Beyondblue.org.au)
• Download the Smiling mind App for mindfulness strategies (Smilingmind.com.au)
• Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff: Join the Community Now (Self-compassion.org)